I have been a fan of Eroticans for over a decade, most of the time as a contributing writer. I even joined the Volunteer Editor program to share my skills with other authors. Not even getting into the issues with POV, punctuation, plot, character development, continuity, sentence structure, verb tense, or if a story even makes sense, I find myself saddened every time I read a submission where the wrong word is used. Whether it is from actual ignorance of the correct word or just a lack of proofreading, these types of errors tend to stand out more to the reader than any other grammatical mistake.

From my experience, many claim they do not care about bad grammar on Lit. Writing or reading it. They are here for one thing and one thing only, and they can overlook when a wrong word is used…even multiple times by the same author. That’s great for some. But I’m sure there are others who share my opinion that a little extra time spent proofreading can only improve the story and potentially draw more readers who will become your fans. Likewise, bad grammar can do the reverse.

The “list” started as a way to vent on my Bio page. It was short (less than 10 words), and is actually prevalent on the Internet in various memes (usually depicting “There, Their, They’re”). A few have gone the way of adding the word “fucking” to the correct usage, which I found was abso-fucking-lutely brilliant. I added a few more commonly misused words after reading a story where the author had the lead character constantly “wander” about things in her head, and another where a character was always “loosing” something. The more I read, the more I edited, and the more my readers submitted their own suggestions, the longer the list grew until I had to modify the rest of my Bio to fit the character requirements. Now that it’s become the length of a short submission, it’s earned the right to be promoted to my list of works.

Spellcheck can’t find incorrect word usage, only misspellings. And even having your document-writing program check grammar isn’t infallible. When in doubt, ask someone else with a fresh pair of eyes to review your story. That’s why there is the Volunteer Editor program and the Literotica Forum. We’re here to help.

So, without further ado, here is “A Fucking English Lesson” for the grammatically impaired. Due to space constraints, only the basic or most common definitions are provided.

*I’m into anal…when it comes to being grammatically correct!*

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# Accept = To Fucking Agree

# Except = Not Fucking Included

# Affect = A Fucking Action

# Effect = A Fucking Result

# Ascent = To Fucking Go Up

# Assent = To Fucking Agree

# Allowed = To Have Fucking Permitted

# Aloud = To Fucking Say Something Clearly

# Aural = In Your Fucking Ear

# Oral = In Your Fucking Mouth

# Awe = Fucking Surprise

# Aww = A Fucking Expression of Endearment

# Banquet = A Fucking Feast of Food

# Banquette = A Fucking Long Bench To Sit On

# Bare = To Be Fucking Naked

# Bear = A Fucking Animal or To Fucking Put Up With

# Base = The Fucking Thing Upon Which Something Else Fucking Rests (Physically or Conceptually)

# Bass = A Fucking Fish or A Fucking Low Pitched Voice/Instrument

# Bases = What You Fucking Run In Baseball

# Basis = A Fucking Reason

# Blond = A Fucking Hair Color (Non-Gender Specific)

# Blonde = A Fucking Hair Color Usually Specific To Females

# Board = A Fucking Piece Of Wood

# Bored = To Have Nothing To Fucking Do

# Boarder = One Who Fucking Stays Temporarily But For Extended Periods

# Border = To Fucking Go Around or To Fucking Be Near Something

# Born = To Be Fucking Brought Forth By Birth

# Borne = To Fucking Support Or Hold Something

# Brake = To Fucking Slow Down

# Break = To Fucking Stop Or Crack

# Breath = What Comes Out Of Your Fucking Mouth When You Breathe

# Breathe = To Fucking Inhale/Exhale

# But = A Fucking Argument

# Butt = Your Fucking Ass or The Fucking End Of A Cigarette

# Carat =The Fucking Quality Or Weight Of Gemstones

# Caret = The Fucking ^ Symbol

# Carrot = What Fucking Bugs Bunny Eats

# Karat = The Fucking Purity Of Precious Metal

# Cloth = A Piece Of Fucking Material Used For Various Purposes

# Clothes = What You Wear or What You Fucking Rip Off To Have Sex

# Coarse = To Be Fucking Rough

# Course = A Fucking Path or A Fucking Series of Classes

# Collage = A Fucking Collection Of Photos

# College = A Fucking School Where You Earn A Degree

# Cologne = Fucking Perfume For Men

# Colon = Your Fucking Large Intestine

# Coma = A Fucking State Of Deep Unconsciousness

# Comma = Fucking Punctuation…Too Often Misused/Absent

# Come = Fucking Verb In Relation To Having An Orgasm

# Cum = Fucking Slang Noun For The Fucking Result Of Having An Orgasm

# Complement = To Fucking Add For Improvement (Jewelry Complements Clothes)

# Compliment = To Fucking Praise Or Admire

# Condemn = To Fucking Express Disapproval

# Condom = What A Guy Fucking Wears During Sex To Prevent STDs or Babies

# Conscious = To Be Fucking Awake

# Conscience = Your Fucking Inner Guide To Right Or Wrong Behavior

# Dear = A Fucking Term Of Endearment

# Deer = A Fucking Animal

# Decent = To Be Fucking Acceptable

# Descent = To Fucking Go Down

# Deepened = To Get Fucking Deeper

# Depend = To Fucking Rely On

# Desert = A Fucking Dry Wasteland or To Fucking Leave

# Dessert = A Fucking Food

# Discreet = To Be Fucking Careful

# Discrete = To Be Fucking Separate

# Dived = Fucking Past Tense Of “Dive”

# Dove = A Fucking Bird

# Dew = Fucking Perspiration or Fucking Tiny Drops Of Water In The Late Night/Early Morning

# Do = To Fucking Perform An Action

# Due = When Your Fucking Bills Are Owed or The Fucking Time Someone/Something is Expected

# Doe = A Fucking Female Deer

# Dough = Used To Make Fucking Bread & Donuts

# Dragged = Fucking Past Tense of “Drag”

# Drug = Fucking Medication Hopefully Not Fucking Bought/Used Illegally

# Faint = Fucking Barely Perceptible or Fucking Weak And Dizzy

# Feint = To Fucking Deceive With A Distracting Movement

# Fair = Fucking Equal

# Fare = What You Pay The Fucking Cab Driver

# Fate = Fucking Destiny

# Fete = A Fucking Celebration

# Faze = To Fucking Disturb

# Phase = A Fucking Period Of Time or To Fucking Carry Out In Stages

# Few = A Fucking Small Number

# Less = A Fucking Small Amount or To Fucking Subtract

# Farther = A Fucking Greater Physical Distance (It’s Fucking Far Away)

# Further = A Fucking Greater Metaphorical/Figurative Distance

# Forty = A Fucking Number

# Fourty = Not A Fucking Word

# Grate = To Fucking Get On Your Nerves or A Fucking Frame Of Metal Bars Covering Something

# Great = Fucking Fantastic

# Griping = To Fucking Complain

# Gripping = To Fucking Hold Onto

# Groan = A Fucking Deep Internal Sound

# Grown = To Be Fucking Older/Taller/Bigger

# Gusty = A Fucking Windy Day

# Gutsy = To Have A Lot Of Fucking Nerve

# Hanged = Fucking Past Tense Of Hang Re: People (They hanged him last Tuesday.)

# Hung = Fucking Past Tense Of Hang RE: Objects (I hung the photo on the wall.)

# Heal = To Fucking Get Better

# Heel = The Fucking Backend Of Your Foot

# Hear = What Your Fucking Ears Do (Not Equal To Understanding; One Can Fucking Hear But Not Fucking Listen)

# Here = A Fucking Location

# Heard = Fucking Past Tense of “Hear”

# Herd = A Fucking Group Of Cows

# Hole = A Fucking Empty Space

# Whole = The Entire Fucking Thing

# Hoping = Fucking Wishing

# Hopping = What A Fucking Bunny Does

# Humorous = Fucking Hilarious

# Humerus = A Fucking Bone In Your Arm Between Your Shoulder And Elbow

# It’s = It Fucking Is

# Its = Shows Fucking Possession

# Knead = To Fucking Work Or Massage Dough

# Need = To Fucking Require

# Lie = To Fucking Rest Your Body Or Parts Of It (lie/lay/lain/lying)

# Lay = To Fucking Place Something Not Physically Connected To You (lay/laid/laid/laying)

# Lead = What Is Inside A Fucking Pencil or To Fucking Cause One To Follow

# Led = Fucking Past Tense Of “Lead”

# Lessen = To Fucking Reduce

# Lesson = Something You Fucking Learn

# Lesser = The Fucking Opposite Of Greater

# Lessor = A Fucking Landlord

# Loose = Not Fucking Fixed In Place

# Lose = Cease To Fucking Keep

# Midst = In The Fucking Middle Of

# Mist = Fucking Fog

# Pain = A Fucking Ache or To Fucking Cause Hurt

# Pane = A Fucking Sheet Of Glass

# Pang = A Fucking Sharp Feeling

# Passed = To Fucking Move Around

# Past = To Have Already Fucking Happened

# Peak = The Fucking Top

# Peek = To Fucking Look At

# Pique = To Create Fucking Interest

# Personal = To Fucking Belong To You Or Affect You

# Personnel = Fucking Employees

# Pleas = To Make A Fucking Urgent Request or A Fucking Formal Statement In Law

# Please = To Fucking Give Satisfaction

# Precedent = A Fucking Previous Action Or Event

# President = A Fucking Person In Charge Of An Organization

# Presence = To Be Fucking There

# Presents = What Santa Fucking Brings You

# Principal = The Most Important Fucking Thing or Fucking Authority At School

# Principle = A Fucking Fundamental Truth

# Prostate = A Fucking Part Of Men’s Genitals

# Prostrate = To Fucking Lie Flat On Your Face

# Quiet = To Be Fucking Silent

# Quite = To Be Fucking Complete/Absolute or To A Certain Fucking Extent

# Rain = The Fucking Water That Falls From The Fucking Sky

# Reign = To Fucking Rule

# Rein = To Fucking Restrain

# Real = To Be Fucking True

# Reel = A Fucking Roll of Fishing Line or To Fucking Lurch

# Right = To Be Fucking Correct

# Rite = A Fucking Ritual Or Ceremony

# Road = What You Fucking Drive On

# Rode = Fucking Past Tense Of Ride

# Root = The Fucking Bottom Of Trees or Fucking Cause For Something

# Route = The Fucking Path You Take

# Wright = A Fucking Maker Or Builder

# Write = To Fucking Create A Story On Paper/Computer/Typewriter

# Scene = A Fucking Part In A Play

# Seen = Fucking Past Participle Of See (Comes After Verbs Have, Has, Had, Was, Were)

# Shudder = A Fucking Good Orgasm

# Shutter = A Fucking Window Cover or A Device On A Fucking Camera

# Side = A Fucking Edge, Location, Or Opinion

# Sighed = A Fucking Deep Breath

# Sight = The Fucking Ability To See

# Site = A Fucking Location or A Fucking Page On The Internet

# Sighting = To Have Fucking Observed Something

# Siting = A Fucking Location of A Building

# Sitting = To Fucking Sit Continuously

# Smelled = Past Fucking Tense Of “Smell”

# Smelt = A Fucking Fish or To Fucking Extract Metal From Ore

# Sole = The Bottom Of Your Fucking Shoe

# Soul = The Fucking Spiritual Part Of You

# Stake = What You Fucking Use To Kill Vampires

# Steak = A Fucking Food

# Steal = To Fucking Take What Isn’t Yours

# Steel = Fucking Metal

# Taught = Past Fucking Tense Of “Teach”

# Taut = To Be Fucking Tight

# Than = A Fucking Comparison

# Then = A Fucking Point In Time

# Their = Shows Fucking Possession

# There = Specifies A Fucking Location

# They’re = They Fucking Are

# Threw = Past Fucking Tense Of “Throw”

# Through = Specifies Where It Fucking Went

# To = Where It’s Fucking Going

# Too = An Excessive Fucking Amount

# Two = A Fucking Number

# Tool = A Fucking Hammer or A Fucking Arrogant Idiot

# Tulle = A Fucking Netting-Like Fabric

# Waist = The Fucking Part Of Your Body Above Your Fucking Hips

# Waste = Fucking Trash

# Wait = To Fucking Pause

# Weight = The Fucking Amount Something Weighs

# Waive = To Fucking Refrain From Using Or Enforcing

# Wave = To Fucking Gesture At Someone

# Wander = To Fucking Move About (Physically or Mentally)

# Wonder = To Fucking Think About

# Way = How To Fucking Do Something

# Weigh = To Fucking Find Out How Heavy Something Is

# Weak = The Fucking Opposite Of Strong

# Week = Fucking Sunday Through Saturday

# Were = Past Fucking Tense Of “Are”

# We’re = We Fucking Are

# Ware = A Fucking Item To Sell

# Wear = To Fucking Put On Clothes

# Where = Specifies A Fucking Location

# Weather = What It’s Fucking Like Outside

# Wether = A Fucking Male Sheep With Its Nuts Cut Off

# Whether = A Fucking Choice Between Alternatives

# Whither = A Fucking Archaic Word Meaning “To What Fucking Place/End/Point”

# Wither = To Fucking Shrink Back Or Shrivel Up

# Withers = The Fucking Ridge Between The Shoulder Blades Of A Fucking Horse

# Who’s = Who Fucking Is

# Whose = Shows Fucking Possession

# Wood = What A Fucking Tree Trunk Is Made Of

# Would = Fucking Past Tense of “Will”

# Whore = A Fucking Prostitute Or Promiscuous Woman

# Wore = Fucking Past Tense Of “Wear”

# Vice = A Fucking Weakness In Character

# Vise = A Fucking Tool To Hold Things Together

# Violation = To Fucking Violate/Break A Rule

# Volition = To Fucking Do On Your Own Will

# Your = Shows Fucking Possession

# You’re = You Fucking Are

# E.G., = A Fucking Example

# I.E., = Fucking Therefore/The Fucking Result Of The Previous Actions