*
H-As I was sitting at the computer in my office, I have a home office, my wife appeared at the door.
W-What are you doing?
H-Writing a story.
W-What do you mean writing a story? You’re not a writer.
H- Unfortunately a lot of readers agree with you.
W-Readers? What readers?
H- On this web site, a writer can send in stories and people read them. Then the readers can tell them what they think.
W-What kind of story site is this? And, what do you write about?
H-Well, honey, it’s an erotic story site and I send in erotic stories.
W-By erotic do you mean porno?
H-Mine aren’t just sex, I write stories about people and their sex lives.
W- You write stories about our sex life? What’s the matter with you, are you some kind of nut telling people about our sex life?
H- Not our sex life but the sex life of other people.
W-What do you know about other peoples sex lives?
H-Nothing I just use the names of people we know, so I can remember the couples. Sometimes physical attributes. Most everything else I make up.
W-Why would you want to do this? Seems kind of sick to think of my husband writing porno.
H-Not porno, erotic stories. I started reading some of the stories on this web site. I couldn’t find a lot of stories that think the way I do. So I said to myself, I’ll try writing them myself.
W- You mean people who think weird.
H- No just the opposite, I’m the normal one and I wanted to read stories that sounded more like normal, real people.
W-God help us if you’re the normal one. I’ve been married to you for thirty five years and you are anything but normal.
H-Anyway, the first couple of stories I wrote got rejected.
W-You wrote stories that even a porno site rejected. Boy you must be good.
H-No, they said my spelling and sentence structure didn’t meet there standards.
W-What kind of standard does a person need to read to masturbate too?
H-No, they were right. They have a listing of editors to help you make corrections on your stories. So, I found a couple willing to help me.
W-Do you have to pay them?
H-No, they just help new challenged authors for free, that’s all.
W-With you they got a real challenge.
H- Go on your computer and read one of my stories and then we can discuss it. (fifteen minutes later she’s back) Well what do you think?
W-You wrote about me.
H-No I didn’t, I just used your size and measurement to fit a description of the wife in the story.
W- She even had my size boobs and the same color hair.
H- She also took her pussy and rubbed it all over a mans face till she climaxed. Whose face did you sit on?
W-Yours, does that count.(she smiled)
H-Was I the only one whose face you rubbed your pussy on?
W-I’m not telling. What are our kids going to think if they ever read that story? They’re going to think I was a slut.
H-The story wasn’t about you and our kids are in their thirties. I think they might understand fiction better then their mother.
W-What can I say to them if they ask what’s dad doing? I can’t tell them he’s busy writing porno stories for people to read.
H-I’m old enough to do what I want. I really enjoy writing these stories. It’s kind of a turn on.
W-I’ll go read another one of your stories. (She returns 20 minutes later). Who’s the black girl you had sex with?
H- What are you talking about? That wasn’t me, that was fiction.
W-Fiction my ass, I remember your jobs and traveling. That was a true story.
H-No is wasn’t but that shows how good my stories are. Even my wife believed it.
W-Yeah right, you’re not off the hook yet. I better go read a few more stories.
H-Well, what do you think?
W- You sure know a lot about our friends and neighbors. I was able to pick a lot of them out in your stories.
H- I made most of them up. I do use a lot of real facts and real people.
W- Yeah right. How come you have so many stories about cheating wives and very few about cheating husbands?
H- I guess I know more about women who cheat then I do husbands. Wait a minute that didn’t come out right. I know more about what a husband would do if he caught his wife cheating.
W- Good thing you changed your answer on that one. There could have been hell to pay. I notice you don’t write any poems.
H- I’m not good at poems. I don’t know if they should rhyme or not.
W-Try and write one.
H-Okay, here its goes. ‘Old mother Hubbard went to her cupboard to get her poor dog a bone. When she bent over, rover drove her, cause he had a bone of his own.’ How was that?
W-Not very good. Just one of your old jokes. Try again.
H- Okay! ‘Jack and Jill, went up the hill, on the back of an elephant. Jill got off and helps Jack off the elephant’.
W-Nope, another of your old jokes. Better stick to the stories.
H-I wish we could submit jokes. I know a lot of jokes. Remember the little Johnny jokes we used to get? I got some little Tony jokes today. Do you want to hear them.
W-Sure why not, they have to be better then your poems.
H- Okay, here it goes.
——————————-
LITTLE TONY ON REASONING
A teacher asks her class, “If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?” She calls on little TONY.
He replies, “None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot.”
The teacher replies, “The correct answer is 4, but I like your thinking.”
Then little TONY says, “I have a question for YOU. There are 3 women sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice cream. Which one is married?”
The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, “Well, I suppose the one that’s gobbled down the top and sucked the cone.”
To which Little TONY replied, “The correct answer is ‘the one with the wedding ring on’, but I like your thinking.”
LITTLE TONY ON MATH
Little TONY returns from school and says he got an ‘F’ in arithmetic.
“Why?” asks the father?
“The teacher asked ‘How much is 2×3’, I said ‘6’”, replies TONY.
“But that’s right!” says his dad.
“Yeah, but then she asked me ‘How much is 3×2?'” “What’s the fucking difference?” asks the father.
“That’s what I said!” replied Tony
LITTLE TONY ON ENGLISH
Little TONY goes to school, and the teacher says, “Today we are going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an example of a multi-syllable word?”
TONY says “Mas-tur-bate.”
Miss Rogers smiles and says, “Wow, little TONY, that’s a mouthful.”
Little TONY says, “No, Miss Rogers, you’re thinking of a blowjob.”
LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
Little TONY was sitting in class one day. All of a sudden, he needed to go to the bathroom. He yelled out, “Miss Jones, I need to take a piss!!”
The teacher replied, “Now, TONY, that is NOT the proper word to use in this situation. The correct word you want to use is ‘urinate’. Please use the word ‘ur-i-nate’ in a sentence correctly, and I will allow you to go.”
Little TONY, thinks for a bit, and then says, “You’re an eight, but if you had bigger tits, you’d be a TEN!”
LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a show of hands from those who could use the word “beautiful” in the same sentence twice.
First, she called on little Suzie, who responded with, “My father bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it.”
“Very good, Suzie,” replied the teacher. She then called on little Michael.
“My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out beautifully.” She said, “Excellent, Michael!” Then the teacher reluctantly called on little TONY.
“Last night at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she was pregnant, and he said ‘Beautiful, just fucking beautiful!'”
LITTLE TONY ON GETTING OLDER
Little TONY was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar after another. After the 6th one a man on the bench across from him said, Son, you know eating all that candy isn’t good for you. It will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat”
Little TONY replied, “My grandfather lived to be 107 years old.”
The man asked, “Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?”
Little TONY answered, “No, he minded his own fucking business.”
———————
W-Those were cute, a lot better than your poems.
H-Well I told you I wasn’t good with poems. But no, you said to try. Then you don’t like my efforts.
W-Talk about not liking, there are a lot of readers who don’t like you or your stories. What do they have against you?
H-I don’t know. I always tell them what my stories are about and if they don’t like them to hit their back button. I guess they don’t like to be told what to do. So they grunt their way through my story so they can leave me a nasty remark.
W-You have a lot of people who seem to really like your stories too. I like reading their remarks better. It’s like they know you. You really are a pretty nice guy.
H-You just want in my pants.
W-Yeah! Like I can’t have that thing whenever I want. I noticed you didn’t tell the truth in one of your stories.
H-What did I say that was a lie?
W- You said that you were fucking that girl and that you had a long cock. So the girl said, “Give me twelve inches till I bleed.” Your cock is only six inches long.
H-I didn’t lie. I gave her my six inches twice and then punched her in the nose. (That was a joke readers) My wife just went along with it.
W-Do you think people will like this talk between us?
H-Some will, they like my stories. Others will say they wasted their time reading this.
W-Why? Don’t people like reading the truth?
H-There’s no sex in this story. This is an erotic web site.
W- Then put some sex in this story so people won’t hate you.
H-What should I write?
W-You’re the porno writer, think of something.
H-My wife went to put on her night clothes while I was writing. When she came back she had on a pair of red baby doll pajamas. She looked sexy as hell when she came back into my office. As she came close to me I turned in my chair and put one hand on her ass and pulled her close. Then I slid my other hand down the front of her pj’s. Sliding my hand over her soft brown bush, down onto her mound as I gripped tightly. Feeling the moistness of her pussy I slid two fingers into her opening, slowly finger fucking her. She started to ride my fingers making sounds and having small spasms.
W-Damn! That’s some hot writing.
H-Be quite you’ll knock my readers out of the mood. I continued to pump my fingers in and out of her pussy. Then I pulled my fingers out of her pussy and pulled her near transparent panties off her body. Then I got up and sat her in my chair, spreading her legs and getting on my knees in front of her. I buried my face against her hot wet pussy. God, she tasted great. I kept pushing my tongue into her till she climaxed.
W-Wow! That was some writing.
H-Can I say you will take my large cock and start sucking on it?
W-I don’t hardly think so. Our family or someone we know might read this.
H-Can I say, you parted the cheeks of your ass while I plunged my cock deep in your anus?
W-I don’t like it jammed up my ass, you know that. It hurts.
H-Well what can I tell them?
W-Tell them the truth.
H-Which is?
W-Well, you can tell them that as soon as you get done writing this story that I’m going to take you to our bedroom and fuck the hell out of you. You got me so damn hot with your writing that I really want to do it.
H-For Real?
W-For real!
H-I’m done. . . . ‘The End.’