“Dude? Nailed? What are you, sixteen? Maybe you do need to spend time with the older ladies. Maybe they’ll help you grow up.”
“Ain’t never gonna happen. I tried the whole responsible adult thing with the wife. We all remember how that worked out. I ain’t taking any woman seriously ever again. ”
“You’ll be married again before two years go by.”
“Bet you a case of beer I won’t.”
“If you win, I’ll throw you a party. If I win, you have to hand me the beer and tell me how right I always am.”
“You do have an annoying habit of being right, but not this time. That case will be the sweetest beer I’ll ever drink.”
Rex walked away laughing while I grinned. We’d see.
~~
Two weeks later I met him for tennis, and he was grinning like the cat that ate the canary.
“What the hell’s up with you?”
“Nothing. I just made some unexpected money over the weekend, and it’s put me in a good mood.”
We volleyed for serve. He was younger and faster, but he’d spent way too many nights in the bars while I spent them in the gym. Conditioning won over talent, and I beat him in straight sets. My knee was telling me just how costly the victory was when we stopped.
We were wiping down before heading for the showers when his grin came back. “Remember that extra money I talked about? I made it off you.”
“Me? What did I do?”
“You made a serious impression on Grandma Hottie. She showed up at the club looking for you. When they told her I knew how to find you she grabbed me. I thought I was going to get lucky, but she shot that down pretty fast.”
She made me a proposition. “I’ll give you 200 dollars if you’ll tell me how to get in touch with Reggie. Better yet, give him this card and tell him to call me. I’d like to talk to him.”
“Man, I thought it would be funny, so I asked her if she was knocked-up. Word of wisdom here. Don’t piss her off. Her slap still has my jaw a little tender. Anyway, I promised her on all I held holy that I would give you the message and her card. Here.”
When I was home, I looked at the card. It was her business card, Angela Bassett, CEO of Bassett Enterprises, and her cell was written on the back. It was only 7:30 so I called.
“Hello?” She seemed a little cautious and I realized she didn’t recognize the number.
“Hi. Am I speaking to Angela Bassett, the one voted Hottest Grandmother in the state two years running? It’s Reggie Wilkes.”
You could hear the humor in her voice “The same Reggie Wilkes rumored to be the successor to Dorian Gray? How old do you look now? Thirty-three, thirty?”
“I’m old enough to look damn good having you on my arm. How are you, Angie? I hear you put a bounty out on me.”
“Just a little one. I did wonder how much it would take to have you delivered to my door, but after I thought about it, I decided to try the old-fashioned way. What are you doing next Saturday.”?
“I have no pressing social engagements.”
“Excellent. My company is having an awards ceremony, and as the big cheese I have to be there. The ex is bringing his bubble gum aged flavor of the month, and I’d like to show him up.”
“So you’d be using me for my body? How mercenary, Angie.”
“Let me put it to you like this. You come to this thing with me, and maybe I’ll let you do some light, pleasurable things to my body.”
“What time should I pick you up?”
Her laugh sounded like verbal sunshine. “I’ll be picking you up, in the limo. I’m going in with guns blazing. I’m telling you now, look for unexpected PDAs throughout the night.”
“I think we should have dinner and strategize. I don’t want to be unprepared if he asks me which thong is your favorite.”
There was silence for a little bit before she giggled. “I’m not a fan of thongs, but if he asks, say light green.”
“I will not. I will tell him that your new favorite is the black one I took off you in the limo on the way over and put in my pocket. Gotta love those privacy panels.”
There was a bit of silence that turned into a snicker. “This is going to be so much fun!”
We went to dinner Sunday. She had a very nice home. Not overly large, not gaudy, more simple clean lines and elegance. Looking it over with a builder’s eye, I told her how much I liked it.
She frowned for a second. “You should have seen the McMansion he talked me into buying. Why do two people need six bedrooms? This one has three, but my square footage is about the same. I gave it to him in our divorce, and he lost it in the next one. He lives in a one-bedroom condo now, and can barely afford it.”
“Sucks to be him, huh? First, he lost the quality, then he lost the quantity. His next will probably be more of a pay-as-you-go type deal.”
She shot me a sharp glance as she choked back her laugh. “Do not make me start bellowing at the dinner table. It wouldn’t be seemly. And thank you, Reggie.”
I shrugged. “Sometimes all one has to do is speak the truth. That lobster sounds really appealing, doesn’t it?”
We had a nice, leisurely dinner, and our conversation bounced all over the place. We talked about places we’d been, places we’d like to go back to, and places that if we saw them again in a thousand years it would be too soon.
Soon dinner was over, and we both seemed not to want it to end, so I took her to a little place most never knew about. It was a roots music venue. One week it might be folk singers, the next country or bluegrass. Some weeks they have African groups that only played percussion, and some weeks it was blues or acoustic jazz.
She sat enthralled at the act for the night, a blues duo consisting of a woman in her thirties and a man pushing fifty. He played guitar and keyboards, other songs he’d be on bass and doubling on harmonica. She was a very good guitarist, as well. They had a kick drum and a high hat and sometimes you wouldn’t believe there was only two people on stage if you hadn’t seen it with your own eyes.
When they were on break, the others would glance at us sideways. I had on a very nice suit and Angie was dolled to the nines in a copper-colored silk sheath with diamonds literally dripping off her. Most were in jeans and tees. She broke the ice with the woman sitting beside her, and soon she had her phone out punching in acts she suggested she sample if she liked what she heard that night. Soon, she had a crowd around her at the snack bar. This was a family venue, so alcohol was never served. We’d caught the second show and most of the kids were home and in bed.
Angie was still high on adrenaline when we left, talking a mile a minute. I walked her to her door, and she sighed. “I want very, very much to invite you in for breakfast tomorrow, but it’s too soon. We’ll just put it on an IOU and a promise that if you’re a good boy very, very nice things will be happening soon. In the meantime, here.”
It was about as hot a make-out session as a couple of mature people could make it, acting like horny teenagers who hadn’t figured out exactly what sex was, yet. We both broke, gasping and giggling, before going back to it for another five minutes. She finally shoved me away.
“Enough! Any more, and we’re going to break the PG rating for this front door. Goodnight, Reg.”
“Goodnight, my hot little GILF. Look it up if you don’t know what it means. I’ll see you Saturday.
~~
If I thought she was outstanding on her dinner date, the dress she had on for the event was nothing short of spectacular: floor length black in some shiny fabric, with a high slit and a neckline that plunged deeply enough to let you know there was a very nice pair of breasts just aching to get out. Her well-shaped legs were enhanced by what had to be four-inch heels. She grinned at my reaction.
“Close your mouth, honey. I told you I was going all out. Do you like how the girls look? I have on a very impressive bra.”
“You have a very impressive chest. Now I’m going to wonder all night how the bra looks.”
She giggled, then she handed me something. “Here. A little present to commemorate the night.”
I looked down at a very tiny thong, lace, black, and moist. Her grin got wider. “Yes, I wore it for a bit. Wouldn’t do for him to see it and it be unauthentic. Just so you know, it matched the bra.”
It took every bit of willpower I had not to sniff it in front of her.
We arrived at the hotel, and I guessed her business must be pretty big, judging by the turnout. There were almost two hundred people there, and most of them were lining up to kiss her ass. A lot of them were looking me over, trying to figure where I fit in the grand scheme of things. Angie was gracious and friendly, in just the right combination.
We mixed, we mingled, and about forty-five minutes later I felt her stiffen. “That’s the ex,” she whispered. I looked to see an average, slightly overweight man with a woman who looked barely out of her teens on his arm. It looked sad and vulgar at the same time. He approached us.Usually, I didn’t hit the meat markets, but I was with a friend who wanted to go out to celebrate his divorce. It made me think back to mine. That was a petty, bitter situation that developed into a slugfest pretty quickly. She cheated, got caught, and didn’t want to face the consequences. When her lawyer told her there was no way she could get the prenuptial agreement thrown out, she went into a rant of epic proportions. I still have a recording of it on an old phone that I purposely kept, and I would listen to it on the anniversary of the divorce, just to remind me I’d made the right decision.
There was no celebration for my divorce. A divorce was an admission of failure, of promises made and broken, and I didn’t celebrate failures.
I noted there seemed to be a preponderance of “mature” women at the club, and it suddenly hit me that Rex was cougar hunting. Maybe he had Mommy issues. Maybe he was a bit of a perv. It didn’t matter because there we were. He had just turned forty, and I was just past my forty-fourth birthday. Sometimes I felt like I was ninety. A pretty active lifestyle and a gym addiction kept me in excellent shape, but there were mornings when I creaked and popped when I got out of bed. My doctor once told me I might be 44, but condition-wise, I had the body of someone in his early thirties. In the mornings, my back said that wasn’t necessarily true.
Well, it wasn’t for me to judge, so I made the best of it. I danced a lot, and some of the women I danced with had to be in their sixties, but they damn near wore me out. One really hot one told me she was 67, then grinned. “I much prefer 69. There are things I could show you honey, things that would rock your world.”
I had no doubt she was right, and while I was trying to come up with an exit strategy, Rex blundered up, grinning like mad and drunk on his ass. “Who’s the hottie?”
Pretty soon they were cheek to cheek with his hand firmly latched onto her ass while she had her hand between them and you could see it moving. They disappeared 20 minutes later, and I didn’t see him again until Monday.
Deciding I’d had enough fun for the night, I started towards the door. Then she walked in. Her flaming red hair went almost to her waist. Her skirt was seriously short, to the point a wardrobe malfunction would occur if she moved the wrong way. The white silk blouse was unbuttoned to the point that it was pretty evident there was no bra. Her face was round, with a cute nose and killer blue eyes.
The woman was exactly what I was looking for. IF I was looking for sex without strings. Sadly, she did nothing for me. The mercenary look on her face confirmed my opinion. She was looking across the club like it was a buffet, trying to find the perfect morsel. Her eyes went across me and then flicked back for a second look. I was pretty sure I was on the short list.
Now the woman who she was with was a completely different matter. She carried an air of understated elegance, the clothes, the accessories, the style of her platinum blond hair didn’t scream money; it said she had it and it wasn’t worth talking about. She was perfect, in the quietest of ways.
You could also tell this wasn’t her natural habitat. She didn’t look uncomfortable, she looked more…unimpressed. She sipped on one martini while her friend gulped down three drinks, in between dance partners. Several men, young men, asked her to dance, but she refused them with a haughty stare.
She intrigued me, so I walked over as a slow waltz was being played. “May I have this dance?”
She looked me over, judging, dismissing me with her eyes.
“I’ m 51.”
“Congratulations. Does your age preclude you from dancing?”
“Not if the guy is in his thirties!”
“Well then, perhaps we should find one here and warn him not to ask. I’m a lot closer to your age than you think, and I’m certainly well past my thirties. You have a pleasant evening, madame.”
I was halfway across the hall when I felt her arm. “I’m sorry. It’s pretty obvious I don’t want to be here, but I am. I may as well have a dance with a handsome man and make the best of it. That is, if you’d still like to…”
She was light as a feather and a really good dancer. I commented on it and she smiled with a tinge of sadness. “My husband and I took lessons as a form of exercise. I enjoyed it, but not as much as he did, especially when he started doing the horizontal mambo with one of the instructors. The girl was 25 and got her claws into him. We divorced so he could marry her.”
“That had to sting.”
“Oh, it did. At first anyway. But on the other hand, we had a really successful business and didn’t have a prenuptial, so I ended up owning half of it, plus our investments had grown nicely. She bled him dry in three years and I ended up buying half his share of the business just so he could pay her off. He’s still the President, because when it comes to business he has a good head on his shoulders, but it galls him no end to have to answer to me. I bet if he could have a do-over, he’d have never signed up for those lessons.”
By then we’d moved off the dance floor and had found a quiet corner. I grinned. “So then, you’re hot, rich, own a business, why isn’t there a second Mister Angela?”
She grimaced. “There’s been one or two who applied for the position. Unfortunately, their qualifications didn’t meet my standards. How about you?”
It was my turn to grimace. “She got a better offer from someone a lot like your ex. I don’t think it’s the ideal life she wanted, word has it he made her sign a pretty rigid prenuptial and watches her like a hawk. After what she did to me, he has to know under the right circumstances she’d not hesitate to do it to him.”
“Is there a little hottie out there anywhere practicing writing “Mrs. Reggie”?”
“There was one two years ago. Let’s just say our life goals were different and we didn’t part on the best of terms.”
“Love sucks.”
“Personally, I think love is a grand thing, if you have the right person.”
I raised my glass. “To love when you get it right.”
She raised hers. “To knowing when it’s right.”
We talked for another hour. I was surprised time went by so quickly. I looked behind her and grinned. “I think your friend found the guys in their thirties.”
Her smile evaporated as she watched her friend approach. She hesitated when she saw me, but kept grinning. “Look what I found, Angie! I brought you one, but it looks like you already have a stud. I think I’ll keep them both. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
She looked back over her shoulder as they walked away, both guys fighting to grab her ass. “Maybe!”
Angela looked disgusted. “It hit her hard when her husband dumped her. She had a boob job and a few wrinkles removed, hoping to get him back. He wouldn’t have anything to do with her, and now she’s on a pretty destructive path, trying to prove herself as an attractive woman. All she’s been attracting lately are leaches cashing in on the free sex and her bank account. I hope she comes to her senses. It’s so sad, she really is a nice woman and quite attractive for her age. There are three more close friends in our circle, all of us going back to college, and we take turns trying to babysit her and keep her safe until she comes around. I’m about to lose hope.”
“I have no doubt she’ll wake up someday with a massive hangover, in bed with a man 25 or 30 years her junior, try to remember what his name is and it will hit her. ‘I’m too old to be this stupid anymore.’ Then she’ll start coming back. One should always remember that the first person you have to make happy is yourself, and she’s obviously not happy.”
Her face slowly lit up. “Thank you, Reggie, for that excellent bit of advice. I think in the near future I will be worrying more about my happiness than that of others.”
Her phone chimed and she checked it. “My Uber is here. Will you walk me out?”
I took her arm, we strolled along, and she suddenly started giggling.
“What?”
“Don’t look, but those platinum plated bitches are staring holes in me.”
“Why would they do that?”
“Because they think I won the grand prize. You. You’re the most handsome, fit man in here. Plus, they think just like I did, that you can’t be out of your thirties. They have in their heads I’m going to whisk you away for a night of lust, where you pound me for hours while I go crazy, having orgasm after orgasm until I pass out from exhaustion, only to wake later and find you still pounding away. I won’t be able to walk the next day, but you’ll spring out of bed ready to run a marathon, if you can get your raging erection to go down. Then you look at me and we’re off to the races again.”
I grinned. “I vote for that plan.”
“Not in this lifetime, honey. I’m afraid you really would do some damage.”
We were beside the Uber. “I think, sweet Angie, that you sell yourself short. I have a feeling you would be like a volcano, ready to erupt any minute and lay waste to those in front of you. I think it would be a good way to die. Goodnight, Angela, it was a pleasure to meet a woman of your quality.”
I meant to kiss her on her cheek but she grabbed my head and put a full on, lots of tongue and promise kiss, then stepped back flushed. Then she grinned. “Seismic shifts, honey. Don’t get too close.”
“I’m already too close,” I said as I grabbed her shiny mane and dragged her head up for a serious kiss. We were both almost gasping when we broke. The Uber driver looked at us and grinned.
“Do I need to leave?”
“No. You need to convey this treasure to her vault. Goodnight, Angela.”
She was still trying to form words when I shut the door and he accelerated away.
~~
Three weeks went by. I thought about the blond goddess a couple of times before filing it away as a treasured memory.
Rex had a hard time looking me in the eye until I told him what happens in the Cougar Cave stayed in the Cougar Cave. Then he relaxed and grinned. “She nearly killed me! The woman couldn’t get enough, then she passed out for ten hours. I was starting to get worried, but she woke up, looked at the time, and dashed to the shower. She looked back and asked me if I was coming. She said we didn’t have time to fuck because she was about to be late for a family function, but there might be enough time for a quick blowjob.
When we were done, she showed me pictures of her grandchildren, saying she was going to have four of them for the day. I asked about seeing her again and she grinned.”
“I doubt it. I’m too old to limit my experiences and I usually don’t do repeats. You’re a good fuck, honey, but you’re just one in a long line of good fucks. Thanks for the night.”
“So the cougar chewed you up like a piece of meat and now she’s ready to go hunting again? That’s kind of cold.”
Rex just grinned. “There’s lots of cougars out there, buddy. Up for another hunt? Rumor has it you left with one seriously hot GILF.”
“I didn’t leave with her, we just walked out together. And truth be told she was a lot hotter than I was expecting to see in a place like that.”
“Your loss, dude. You should have nailed her.”