“Breasts, yes. I want to show you my breasts,” Anna said, making a simple request that complicated everything.
Jake instinctively glanced down at her chest, before wrenching his gaze back to her face. His mind raced in useless circles around a single thought: Danger!
“But you have to promise to tell me if that would make you uncomfortable,” Anna said. “I can only ask you this favor because our friendship is both close and solidly non-romantic. I completely understand if my request is just too flippin’ weird!”
Jake had never been less comfortable in his life. This felt like a bad idea.
He wanted it anyway.
Feeling ashamed of himself, Jake forced himself to think. Anna wouldn’t ask unless it was important to her. He didn’t want to hurt her feelings, so he tried a joke. “Compared to eating the terrible chicken dinner you made last night, this sounds like a walk in the park.”
Anna erupted in giggling. She was clearly nervous, but it was comforting to hear her infectious laugh. That, at least, felt normal.
They met about a year ago, neighbors moving in on the same day. She had a kind face. If she wore makeup, it wasn’t enough to notice. She was an inch taller, had brown eyes and long blonde hair–brilliantly shining blonde–always in a ponytail. Her face seemed to have only two states: stern concentration or an easy smile. She had a solid aspect to her figure but wasn’t fat. Her tight jeans revealed strong legs and a substantial bottom that her height proportioned nicely. A baggy flannel shirt hid any details about her breasts.
Although Jake tended to be shy, an endless conversation began during their second shared elevator trip. Her name was Aine, but she went by Anna. She liked hiking and tinkering with electronics. They both just moved into town and it was their first time living on their own. Anna did some kind of computer engineering work that sounded much cooler than the business analysis work he did. They both used Excel spreadsheets extensively for work and shared many of the same frustrations with its quirks. They liked a lot of the same video games and movies and had plenty to talk about.
That first night they shared take-out at Jake’s place, which was the start of Anna’s habit of visiting constantly. Jake insisted on paying. To repay him, the next night Anna made dinner in his kitchen. Jake then reciprocated the following night. Neither of them was a very good cook, but it worked out. They ate dinner together nearly every day, alternating cooking and cleanup. Anna declared it was more efficient to share food between two people. She also decided Jake’s pot, pan, and dish situation was better than hers, so they used his kitchen. Jake gave her the spare key to his apartment and she came and went as she pleased. He started to develop real feelings for her. This stopped when, after a week hanging out together, Anna mused on the merits of their relationship.
“I’m glad we’re neighbors,” Anna said that day. “We’ve only known each other a week, and yet I already feel like we’ve been friends for years.”
“I feel the same way,” Jake had said.
“Best of all,” she added in a moment burned into his memory, “Is we don’t have a trace of romantic tension between us. We’re free to just be friends without all that bullshit.”
Jake let her comment pass without challenge. What else could he do? But it was a blow. All his romantic and erotic fantasies about her fizzled, impossible to sustain if she didn’t feel the same. At least he did genuinely like her, mostly.
The “mostly” came down to her presumptuousness. She saw that, obviously, it made sense for them to share Jake’s kitchen. Obviously, it made sense for her to set up her electronics workbench in Jake’s apartment, and hadn’t even asked him. He didn’t complain because he liked their dinner arrangement and liked seeing her build crazy electronics. She wasn’t wrong in her actions; he just wished she’d ask first.
Watching movies, playing video games, and discussing politics solidified their friendship. Jake was eventually able to suppress most of his unwelcome feelings about Anna. He tried his best to think of her as just a friend. A pal.
Which made this request so upsetting. He was dismayed to find that his efforts over the past year had only hidden the shameful ember of carnal desire in his heart. Her words now rekindled it into a bright flame, unthinking and ravenous. He refused to let it burn this person he cared about.
“Anna, wait.” Jake was surprised to hear the words coming out of his mouth. Concern returned to her face. “Are you sure about this? It’s not that I don’t want to see… you.”
“Then why don’t you shut up and let me show you?” Anna asked, laughing nervously.
“Believe me, I’m wondering myself. I just… we’ve been neighbors for almost a year now, and I like to think we’ve become friends. However, I never got the sense you saw me as more than a friend, so this whole ‘I want you to see me naked’ thing is a bit of a surprise. Not an unwelcome surprise, but, well, can you please spell it out for this dummy?”
Anna looked down and sighed. “You’re right, I owe you an explanation. Please… please be patient with me. This isn’t easy.”
“Deal,” Jake said in agreement. He leaned back on the couch and crossed his arms and legs in an exaggerated manner. “I’m extremely patient.”
Anna took a deep breath. “When I was eighteen I had my first serious boyfriend, Andrew. We were making out, and I let him take my shirt and bra off. It was a mistake. He was a mistake. I don’t know what I saw in him. The thing is, I have inverted nipples.” Anna turn away from Jake and began to shyly fidget. “He freaked out when he saw them. He didn’t want to touch them anymore, didn’t want to touch me. Looking back, I think he was just a nervous kid frightened by something he didn’t understand. Still, it really hurt.”
“Fucking hell, Andrew. What a massive asshole,” Jake said.
Anna’s face showed relief at his reaction. “Yes,” she agreed, “especially when he told his friends and started calling me ‘Nnanna’ for ‘No Nip Anna.'”
“No way!” Jake said. “What the fuck?”
“High school can be rough, right? It’s not even accurate. I have nipples, they just go in instead of out. I think the whole school eventually heard. Plenty of people ‘accidentally’ called me Nnanna, even a teacher once. I was devastated at the time, but I’ve tried to forget about him, about his reaction, about the taunting. I’ve dated a few guys over the years, though I’ve always ended it before things got… intimate. I’ve come to realize, on some level, I’m still ashamed of my body. I’m still afraid of a repeat of Andrew’s reaction.”
“That is some bullshit. No person should be ashamed of their body.”
“Yes,” Anna agreed. “Intellectually, I know that. I’ve been telling myself for years. My trouble is the difference between knowing in my head and really feeling it in my heart. That’s what I’m hoping you can help me with.”
“Got it,” Jake said. “You want to show me your breasts, so I can NOT freak out.”
“Exactly! Which sounds silly when you say it out loud. I know this is a weird favor to ask, I just… I feel safe with you.” Doubt returned to her face. “It’s totally okay if you’d rather not do this. I don’t want to guilt you into this.”
“Anna, it’s okay. Thank you for explaining. I understand, I think.”
“Oh, come on, it’s not a big deal,” Anna said, trying to sound casual. “Right?”
Jake shook his head. “I disagree,” he said. “A friend sharing something deeply personal and fraught with shame, trusting me. It’s a big deal.”
Anna gazed into Jake’s eyes, her breasts dominating his thoughts as they rose and fell with her breaths. He wondered if he saw more than friendship flickering in her eyes, but then it vanished.
“Thank you,” she said. “Now that we’ve reached an understanding and decided on a course of action, we have another problem: I don’t see how I can work up the courage to actually, um, do it.” Her voice got very quiet at the end as she looked down and chewed her lip. “It just seems impossibly weird and awkward to undress in front of you.” She gave his arm a gentle shove like she did when they played video games.
Jake thought for a second.
“Well I’m certainly not going to pressure you. But if you’re set on doing this, then I have a suggestion: What if we both pretend you’re fully clothed? I’ll set up the video game. When you’re ready, you come in dressed however you want, and we’ll both just pretend everything is normal. We can play Mario Kart like we planned, all very normal and unremarkable.” Jake couldn’t help smirking a little bit at this last sentence.
Anna’s face brightened. “I like that idea. That might work.”
Jake stood up. “Off you go, then,” he pointed at his bedroom. “I’ll just set up the game and you can join me when you’re ready.” He faced the TV and grabbed the remote. “I hope you are prepared to get trounced,” he added.
Anna departed for his bedroom. Jake’s heart raced, and his hands trembled a bit. He tried some deep slow breaths. They didn’t help much. He visualized the bedroom door behind him and the woman he expected to emerge any second.
Jake was ashamed to feel an erection start at just the thought of seeing Anna’s breasts. His friend was trusting him to help her! He had to master himself and come through for her. He had to.
He heard Anna take a quiet step into the open doorway behind him. He dared not turn around.
On an impulse he pulled his own shirt off and tossed it. While he was very aware his own skinny chest was completely unremarkable, he hoped this would make her a bit more comfortable.
Then he did something he knew she hated. “I hope you don’t mind, I’m just going to start the race. I’m choosing your character… yes, Bowser on the biggest car so you can’t do anything but go in a straight line…”
Anna’s hand snatched the controller out of his as she dropped beside him on the couch.
“Don’t you dare!” she said, laughing.
Jake kept his eyes locked on the TV screen, trying to act casual while his mind reeled at the bare breasts just visible at the corner of his eye. She had done it!
Part of him wanted to turn and stare directly at the first bare breasts he’d met in person. A bigger part of him was simply proud of his friend’s courage. She’d identified a source of needless shame and took steps to overcome it. Jake wanted to make this a positive experience for her.
That didn’t mean he didn’t take in as much as he could without looking directly. In addition to taking off her shirt and bra, she had taken out her ponytail. She parted her hair on either side of her head, and let it fall down her front. Through this inadequate screen of hair he thrilled at an impression of pale roundness, and maybe a hint of pink?
It helped to have the game to concentrate on, though his playing was shit. Anna was never one to sit still and just push buttons on the controller. She moved her whole body with each turn of the race car. He kept his gaze glued to the TV even though her constant movement tickled the outskirts of his vision mercilessly.
After several races, Jake started to feel close to normal. His game-play was back up to the level of “respectable.” His erection calmed down. He still hadn’t gotten a look at Anna’s bare breasts sitting right next to him, but he also no longer had to struggle to keep his eyes locked forward. He felt relaxed and happy, having fun with his friend. More than happy, he felt buoyant. It was as if Anna’s bare chest was a beacon radiating warmth, bathing his heart in contentment. Just knowing that she trusted him with this made him feel closer to her.
When Anna won the next race, Jake decided to check on her. He put the controller down, tilted his head far back on the couch to make it clear he could only see the ceiling, and leaned in her direction with one hand to his mouth in a conspiratorial gesture. Whispering, he said, “How are you doing?”
Anna mirrored his pose and whispered in response. “Really good, actually. How are you doing?”
“Really good, too,” Jake said, afraid to reveal how much more than just ‘good’ he felt.
Anna nodded slightly and then she sat up and resumed talking in a normal voice. “I’m going to get us glasses of water.” And with that she stood up and walked to the kitchen.
Jake took in the sight of her bare back as she walked away from him. She was beautiful. He longed to touch her and hated himself for it. Momentarily, she would be walking back toward him, and he had to keep his eyes on the TV. He had to.
She returned from the kitchen with two glasses of water. Instead of sitting she stood directly in front of him, blocking the TV, and held one out. Jake’s efforts at gaze discipline went out the window as he was forced to look up at the glass, which she held at the exact elevation to be in line between his eyeballs and her breasts. Jake did his best to keep his eyes moving up to her face where he looked her in the eyes and said a hoarse “thank you” as he took the glass.
Anna tilted her head far back to take drink. With her eyes toward the ceiling, Jake understood she was giving him permission to look.
Jake’s eyes widened as he took in the sight, and his composure left him. The rest of the room faded out of existence as his brain took in every detail.
The slightly tan color of Anna’s face and arms was thanks to the sun, for her bare shoulders and upper chest were paler. Her breasts were paler still and revealed a faint tracery of blue veins around her shapely contours. Her hair covered the promised inverted nipples, though he could see the edges of puffy pink areolas.
On the one hand, this was just another part of his friend’s body. His friend Anna happened to be a woman, women have breasts, and these were simply Anna’s breasts. Up close like this, Jake could see the subtle details on her skin. The fine hairs, sprinkling of moles, and minor asymmetries stressed the reality of what he beheld, in contrast to the airbrushed breasts in porn. Intellectually, Jake knew in the big picture all breasts, all bodies, were ultimately unremarkable.
On the other hand, Jake couldn’t help feeling these particular breasts were magical beacons of beauty, acceptance, trust, and intimacy. Anna’s breasts emanated waves of warmth that bathed his heart in joy and evoked feelings of affection and protectiveness. It pained him to think of all those years of being ashamed of her body, avoiding physical intimacy for fear of rejection.
After an eternity of taking in this sight, Anna sat on the couch again. He fastened his eyes on the TV and tried to regain his composure.
Jake felt a flash of pain on his arm as Anna playfully hit him with the back of her hand. “Come on, slowpoke, press ‘A’ so we can start the next race. I’m enjoying destroying you.”
“Oops,” Jake said, resuming the game. And then, feeling daring, he added: “I don’t know where my mind was.”
It was hard to tell without turning his head, but he thought he saw her smile.
They played a few more races until it was their usual bedtime for a work night.
Anna stood up. “Well, we both have work tomorrow. Better call it a night.” She walked into Jake’s bedroom and then returned dressed normally. The light in the room felt weaker without the shining warmth of her bare breasts. He fought to hide his disappointment.
“G’night,” she said, walking to the door.
Jake leaped up to meet her at the door. “Thanks for the fun evening,” he said. Then, his face reddening, “I mean the Mario Kart.”
Anna laughed, her face blushing too. “Thank YOU!” Then, hesitating, “for everything.”
When the door closed behind her, Jake’s apartment felt cold, lonely, and dark.
* * * * *
The next day at work, Jake had trouble getting anything done with visions of Anna’s breasts dancing in his head. He missed the feeling of being with her when she was topless. But on his way home, a new worry arose: How awkward would it be when he saw her again tonight? There was no going back to how things had been before.
Opening the door to his apartment, he heard Anna working in the kitchen.
“Hey,” Jake called out.
“Hey yourself,” Anna answered from the kitchen.
Jake relaxed when he saw she was wearing a shirt, though not without a pang of disappointment. What had he expected? Idiot. Anna cut vegetables, wearing the circuit-board-print apron she liked.
“Get the waters, I’m almost finished.”
Jake tried to act normal but couldn’t stop thinking about her breasts as he set the coffee table in front of the TV. Anna put down plates of chicken salad and sat beside him on the couch.
Normally, at this point they would watch something on TV while they ate. The remote control was on the arm of the couch next to Anna, ignored.
“How was work?” Anna asked.
“Oh fine, pretty normal,” Jake lied. “You?”
“Actually,” Anna said, “I had trouble focusing at work today.” She paused there, as if giving Jake an opportunity to say more.
“To be honest,” Jake admitted, turning to look her in the eye, “I had the same problem.”
“Was there something on your mind?” Anna asked.
“Technically two things were on my mind,” Jake said.
Anna burst out laughing. Relieved, Jake laughed too.
“I want to thank you,” Anna said, “for being so patient with me last night. And kind. I was close to running out of the room in tears. You helped me keep it together.” She took his hand. “That was very kind of you. I feel like a burden of shame was lifted. Thank you.”
Jake blushed.
“What I hadn’t expected, though…” Anna looked down. “What I hadn’t expected was how much I enjoyed it.”
Anna slowly raised her eyes to meet Jake’s. Panic came rushing back. Did she want to do it again? Did Jake want that? Confused thoughts swirled in his head. Did he want to kiss Anna? Yes, but she didn’t want that. Did he feel romantic thoughts about her? Yes, but she didn’t want that either. Did he want to see her breasts again, despite all his misgivings? Yes. Most definitely yes.
“Did you…” Anna was studying his face. “Did you enjoy it, too?”
“YES!” Jake blurted out, not exactly playing it cool.
Anna smiled. “Do you… do you mind if we do it again?”
“I would love that,” Jake answered.
Anna hesitated. “It made me feel better when you took your shirt off first.”
Jake nearly tore his shirt in his rush to pull it off. Anna’s eyes on his chest made his skin feel warm.
After a moment of staring, Anna started to unbutton her shirt. Feeling emboldened by Anna’s unguarded staring at him, Jake watched her fingers work. The anticipation was intense, and he felt a reckless swelling between his legs.
“Excuse me,” Anna said sternly, “my eyes are up here.”
Jake blanched and tore his gaze up at the ceiling, his heart pounding in panic and his dick shrinking in shame. Incoherent apologies spilled out of his mouth as he tried to repair the damage his eager eyes had done.
“Whoa, whoa, it’s okay, I was just joking!” Anna said quickly. “I’ve never seen anyone go so pale. Are you okay? Jake, you didn’t do anything wrong. The whole point is for you to look at me.” She grabbed his shoulders. “Jake, please, I’m sorry, I was only trying to be funny.” She gently pulled on the back of his head until it was tilted down at her chest again. “Your respectful instincts are part of why I trust you. It’s okay. I want you to look.”