Thunder Bay Ontario: 1990
“What’re you staring at?” I asked, although the answer was pretty obvious.
“Your penis. It’s exceptionally large. What are you staring at?” Andie asked in reply.
“Your penis.”
“I know. It’s very small isn’t it?” Andie sighed.
“Small? Andie, you have a penis!” I exclaimed.
I’d been surprised and excited when Andie, short for Andromeda, had suggested that we get naked and share the shower. Now, I was just surprised.
“I’m aware of that,” Andie replied with a shrug, still staring at my crotch.
“Does it work?” I asked.
“Yes. Does yours?”
“Yeah, of course,” I replied. And just like that, we were talking about our penises. I couldn’t help but add “You really think mine’s big?”
“Yes indeed, the average Caucasian penis is fourteen centimeters long when fully erect. I can easily estimate that yours would be larger than that.” Andie used one finger to push her heavy glasses back up her nose.
“Jesus, Andie…”
“Perhaps, if it becomes engorged, we could measure it and make a determination,” she suggested eagerly.
The way it was stirring to life, the question wasn’t if, the question was why? After all, Andie had a penis, which meant Andie was a guy, which meant that I shouldn’t be getting a hard on.
Of course, I didn’t know she was a guy until she’d turned around. With her back to me, she’d shaken her luxurious red hair out of its ponytail and let it tumble down over his snowy white shoulders. Then she’d stepped out of her panties, yes her panties, and I saw here cute, hairless bum. What the hell was I supposed to think?
“What’s the matter?” she asked.
“Uhh, nothing. I just thought you were a girl is all.”
“Oh, that. Well, legally I’m female. Biologically, I’m… somewhat ambiguous.” Andie made a ‘what’re-you-gonna-do’ kinda face. “But my current sexual identity is female.”
I’d never heard the term ‘sexual identity’ before in my life. But maybe it meant that somehow Andie wasn’t a guy after all. For one thing, she sure wasn’t hairy. In fact, she had no pubes at all, which was kind of strange in itself for a twenty year old. She took a couple of steps towards me until she was close enough that I could feel the heat coming off her body. Without being too obvious, I tried to see if she had a pussy, too.
She caught me looking. “Nope, nothing there,” she laughed, lifting her balls, and boldly spreading her legs.
I could hear my dad’s voice in my head. “Your cousins are all Morons.”
####
Syracuse NY: Three days earlier.
“Your cousins are all morons,” my dad said.
“They’re not morons,” I replied, but looking at the pictures on the coffee table, I wasn’t so sure.
There were two pictures, the only ones we had of my cousins. In one, a girl wearing baggy hip waders and a lumberjack shirt held up a fish almost as big as she was. Her thick red hair was short and ragged, looking like someone had put a bowl over her head and cut around the edges with garden shears. She had a very proud, nearly toothless grin on her freckled face. On the back of the picture, someone had written ‘Billie Jack ’79.’ She would have been nine years old.
In the other picture, a grinning girl held up some kind of medal on a long ribbon while an important-looking older guy beamed down at her. Her red hair was pulled severely back from her broad forehead into a thick ponytail. Her teeth looked okay, but her heavy, dark-rimmed glasses, complete with a taped arm, were askew on her face. On the back of that picture, someone had printed, ‘Andromeda Athena Mackenzie ’81’ which would’ve made her twelve at the time.
My cousins: Billie Jack Morgan and Andromeda Athena Mackenzie.
“How can they be morons?” My mom objected. “Andie has two PhD’s and she’s only just turned twenty-one. Billie makes a living off of wolf bounties. No moron ever made a living hunting wolves, at least not for long.”
“Morons,” Dad said to me. “They’re all over the place on your mother’s side of the family.”
“Well, if they’re morons, then all the more reason for me to go up there and check the place out with them. Keep them from getting hurt,” I suggested.
“You’re just trying to get out of work,” Dad replied.
I worked for my dad building custom houses in the new, upscale suburbs of Syracuse on weekends during the school year, and full time in the summer.
“It’s his inheritance, Jim. Of course, he has to go and see that it’s taken care of,” Mom said.
In a move that had surprised everyone, my childless Great-Uncle Monty had left his estate to the three of us, the only grandchildren of his beloved sister. According to the lawyers, the estate consisted of his big Victorian country house on the north shore of Lake Superior, and whatever it contained.
“The place probably needs bulldozing. It’ll cost you as much to tear it down as the land’s worth,” my dad said.
I tried flattery. “That’s what I need to find out. I know what to look for, you taught me that. Those girls can’t do that by themselves.”
My dad couldn’t order me not to go, I was eighteen now and a free man, but he was paying my college tuition.
“Oh, so that’s what this is all about! You think you’re gonna get into your cousin’s pants. Look at them, boy. You call that getting lucky?!” my dad exclaimed.
“Jim, don’t be crude,” Mom admonished him. “It’ll be nice for them to have a reunion. It was a very thoughtful thing that Uncle Monty did.”
I’d met them only once, when I was five or six years old. That was before Billie’s family moved up to the Yukon and Andie’s went off to Borneo, or some other god-forsaken place where her parents did scientific stuff. The thought of getting one, or even both of them, in the sack had crossed my mind. I was hoping they’d changed in the ten years or so since those pictures were taken. I mean, I looked pretty goofy at that age, too.
“Monty was a nut job and a pornographer,” Dad scoffed. “And he died broke.”
“He was not a pornographer! He was a very successful and highly-respected portrait photographer,” Mom shot back.
“Ha! How the hell can you be a successful anything when you live in Thunder Bay?”
“Come on, Dad. It’s only for a couple of weeks, and I’ll work twice as hard when I get back.” I pleaded.
“Go on, then. Go running off to Canada, chasing some bankrupt legacy with a couple of dog-faced cousins. Go ahead, see where it gets you,” he grumbled.
“Thanks, Dad.”
“Moron.”
####
“I turned the water main on this morning, but I didn’t have time to check the upstairs pipes,” I explained to Andie as I leaned over the edge of the narrow, high-sided tub.
“So, we might have… fuck!” I exclaimed as a deluge of cold rusty water burst from the showerhead. I jumped backwards and discovered just how close behind me Andie was standing.
“Ouch! Oh my!” she exclaimed as I stepped on her foot.
A second later, I felt her arms around my neck, her legs wrapped around my thighs, and her package against my ass.
“Sorry! Are you okay?”
I couldn’t really speak, or even stand up straight given the awkward piggy back Andie had on me. The shower continued to spurt and spit foul water into the tub.
Andie made a kind of chortling, snorting sound which was how she laughed. “I think you broke my foot.” She didn’t sound in pain or unhappy about it.
Andie’s hands shifted from my neck to my chest, but she didn’t let go. Her breath tickled my ear, and I could feel her soft breasts and hard nipples pressing against my back.
I waited for her to climb down, and when she didn’t, it became awkward. And then, even more awkward.
“Andie, are you humping me?” I asked.
“Sorry.” She sounded surprised, but she didn’t let go, or stop thrusting her hips.
“Andie?”
“Oh, sorry! I didn’t…it just feels so good.”
I could tell by her thoughtful tone that she’d never humped anyone’s butt before.
“Andie!”
Slowly, she slid off my back. I felt my face turn red, and worse, I felt my cock growing hard. I tried to keep the beast tucked in front of me as I leaned over and turned off the tap. I fiddled with the levers and turned it on again. Water shot from the faucet instead of the showerhead. It spit, too, but it quickly ran clean.
I realized that I couldn’t stall forever. Andie hadn’t said a word since she’d slid off me, and suddenly, I had the suspicion that she was eyeing my bare, bent-over ass. I whirled around to find her a few feet away, backed-up against the sink, looking guilty. I decided Andie had been checking me out. Automatically, we eyed each other’s dicks.
Mine was a swinging, lead-weighted semi, and hers was four whole inches of serious boner, poking straight out from her crotch. For some reason, her hands covered her tits instead of her balls. Andie’s face and cock were flushed, and her glasses were tilted so far to one side, they looked like they might fall off.
I focused on them. “You should take your glasses off before you break them,” I said.
Andie hands moved from her pert tits to her face. “Good thinking cousin. I only have the one pair.” She took them off and folded them up in her hand.
I figured without her coke-bottle eye-glasses, she’d be practically blind, and that would make all of this a little less freaky. Bending over, Andie fumbled about with her hand as she tried to find a level spot on the round top of the toilet tank.
Andie had grown up the only child of a couple of nomad scientists. She was tutored by them and their brilliant colleagues as they travelled from one isolated site to another. Andie got a first-rate education although she never spent a day in school. She rarely even saw kids her own age, and so ended up with the brain of a rocket scientist, and the social skills of a twelve year old. But she did have instincts, and they must have told her to offer her tempting butt to me and let nature take its course.
I couldn’t help myself, it looked so sweet that I had to touch it. I reached forward and ran my hand lightly over the slight swell of her hip, over her butt cheek and then downward. I ran my thumb along the bottom crease of her ass.
“Mmmm. That feels nice,” Andie said.
My cock sprang to life and curved upwards in front of me. I took a deep breath and positioned myself behind her, not quite touching her with my dick. I stroked along her flanks.
“Ohhh!” Andie exclaimed.
I felt her belly twitch when my hand ran over her cheek and along the crease. I watched her back ripple with the deep breaths she was taking. I wasn’t a virgin. I’d gone all the way with three different girls, since I was sixteen. My last girlfriend, Frieda, liked to bend over like this when we ‘did it’. I liked it, too… a lot.
If Andie had a pussy, I would’ve rubbed the head of my cock along her slit, but Andie didn’t have a pussy. I knew gay guys fucked each other’s bums, but I had no idea how. You needed lube or something, right? Even if I knew how, I wasn’t sure I wanted to do that.
That would be homo, and I wasn’t a homo. But I was confused. I mean, I wasn’t ruling it out, but I needed time to think about it. I was pretty sure that Andie had never done it before, so she probably had no idea of what it would be like either.
I cleared my throat. “The water should be good by now, but you better hurry, I don’t know how long it’ll last,” I said.
I turned around quickly. Too quickly, because my cock brushed against her smooth skin and my knees nearly buckled.
“Mike?”
I didn’t wait for Andie to turn around, I hustled over to the tub, climbed in, and turned my tattle-tale boner towards the wall.
As soon as I stepped under the spray, I thought, “fuck”. “Andie, did you bring any soap?” I asked.
“Sure, I brought everything,” she replied.
I looked over my shoulder to see that Andie frozen with one foot in the tub. Unlike mine, which curves up fiercely, her cock stuck straight out in front of her, and it was pointed right at me. Her balls were high and tight.
“Do you want me to get it?” she asked.
“Sure, I don’t have any,” I replied. Andie stared at my butt while I stared at her cock.
“Okie dokie,” she said.
I tore my eyes off her bouncy bum and looked back at the wall. “Down boy, down,” I muttered at my cock, but it never listens to me.
One of the things about Andie was, that with all the travelling around she’d done, living in tents and huts, she had all kinds of neat stuff. She had this long bag, like a garment bag that hung all the way down the bathroom door. It had lots of pouches with useful things in them.
“I have shampoo, too,” Andie called from across the room.
“Sure, bring that,” I replied without taking my eyes off the wall.
My mind was racing. It occurred to me that standing the way I was, probably wasn’t a good idea. Then and there I made one firm decision. If there was going to be any bum-fucking, it wasn’t going to be my bum that got fucked. I carefully turned around on the slippery ceramic.
Andie was geeky, but she wasn’t clumsy like you’d expect; she actually moved fast and quiet. When I turned around, she was at the side of the tub with a bottle in one hand and a plastic soap container in the other. Her cock was as hard as ever.
She handed me the shampoo bottle, then put a hand on my chest for balance as she stepped into the tub. It was very narrow, so there was no way around it, we wound up in a full body press. The top of Andie’s head was level with my nose, her taut red nipples stabbed me just below my pecs, and her cock slid between my legs under my balls. My cock was trapped up against her slightly rounded belly.
“Whoops!” she snorted and chortled into the side of my neck where she’d buried her head.
None of this was helping my boner relax. We shuffle-danced our way to a length-wise position in the tub. Andie took a step back as the hot water streamed down my back.
“Cousin, that is definitely an above-average, engorged Caucasian penis!” she exclaimed, and boldly crouched down in front of me and took my cock in her hands. She started measuring it, using her fingers and her forearm.
“From my initial estimate, it must be at least twenty, or twenty-one centimeters long and…” Andie clamped her fingers tightly around my shaft and gave it a firm stroke from bottom to top. “Fifteen centimeters in diameter, very impressive!”
My legs started to tremble, and I let out a groan, but Andie didn’t seem to notice. She squinted up at me.
“Nicely-formed head, and I see you are circumcised like me. There’s some debate in medical circles about the usefulness of that procedure, but I think it looks cute. Of course, that’s a purely subjective judgement.”
“Fuck, Andie…”
“A luxurious pubic patch,” Andie said brushing her nose in my bush for a moment. “And, those are exceptional testicles, too.” She cupped my balls and worked them over with her long fingers.
“Ahhh… Jesus, Andie…”
“Just as I surmised, you’re definitely above average.” Andie gave me a satisfied smile, still squatting in front of me with my balls in one hand, and my shaft gripped tightly in the other.
I didn’t know what to say, it was all I could do to keep from humping her hand.
“Can I wash it for you?” Andie asked.
Fun as it was, everything was going way too fast for me. Andie was a girl, then Andie was a guy, then Andie was a girl with a dick. I needed more time to think.
“No time for that, Andie. We’re losing the hot water. Better be quick, or it’ll be like ice,” I warned. It was true, the water was already little more than lukewarm.
The thing was, once I began thinking about bum-fucking, I couldn’t get it out of my mind. And it occurred to me, without really knowing the details that it probably would be best if the bum you were going to fuck was nice and clean.
“Okay, ship shower,” she said brightly.
“What’s that?”
Standing up, Andie took the soap and worked up a lather over her tits. “We take turns getting soaped up, then we get under the water to rinse off. I’ll go first.”
Andie stepped back and went to town on herself. She’d obviously done this before. Fuck, it was something to watch how quickly she lathered her whole body, including her hair.
“No time for shampoo,” she declared merrily.
I was glad to see that Andie gave her private parts a good scrub, especially her bum. She did a quick number on both her legs, then slithered against me and guided me from under the water.
“Better hurry, cousin,” Andie said as she handed me the soap.
She rinsed off, then stepped out of the tub to make room for me. By the time I started, the water was cold, by the time I was done, it was icy. That shriveled my dick and tightened my balls considerably.
Andie had dried her body and was now furiously toweling her hair. As she moved, her cock bounced. The fucking thing was still rock hard.
######
What do you think about when you masturbate,” Andie asked me with a look of earnest curiosity.
After she’d dried off, Andie had put on a loose, knee length, khaki dress, white knee socks and slip-on shoes. She left her hair down. I wouldn’t say she was foxy, but she definitely looked like a girl, a cute girl.
“Uh well, I don’t do it very often,” I lied.
“Really? I do it frequently, ” she replied with a grin.
“What do you call ‘frequently?” I wondered out loud.
“Every chance I get. Camp life is crowded, and growing up I didn’t get a lot of opportunities. Sure, you love everybody on the expedition, but it’s always such close quarters. And when you do get alone for a few minutes, it’s always; “Andie, come look at the Aurora Borealis”, or “quick, we just spotted a Kakapo, come out of the trailer or you’ll miss it.”
“And I want to scream, “I’ve seen it before, mom, I’m trying to masturbate in here!” but that would be rude. They used to practically drag me out of the tent in the morning, they thought I was lazy.”
There was a little tent in Andie’s dress at the moment, but I was trying hard not to look at it.
“Or I would be in the latrine trying to masturbate, and I’d open my eyes and see a line of bullet ants coming down the wall! And I’m sitting there with an engorged penis in my hand!” Chortling, Andie slapped me on the shoulder. “You know what that’s like!”
“Ah sure…”I smiled, and nodded, she thought it was hilarious and had to wipe the tears from her eyes with the back of her hands. I didn’t know what a bullet ant was, but I got the picture.
Andie went on, leaning forward, ginning. “But where we are now, I have my own room. It’s great! I can masturbate on my lunch break, and a couple of times each night, and every morning.” Andie rolled her eyes waving one hand around while the other slipped down to her crotch.
“Sounds great,” I replied. Son of a bitch, Andie was getting me hot.
“So, how often do you do it?” she asked.
“Well, uh, you know, a couple of times a week maybe.” More lies.
After the shower we’d gone outside to look at the stars, but the mosquitoes drove us right back in. I had a deck of cards, but it turned out that we didn’t know any of the same games. Anyways, Andie was eager to talk. I’d bought a case of Canadian beer and a bottle of Jack at the liquor store in town. It was great, they didn’t even ask me for ID.
The electrical was connected, but half of the old sixty amp fuses were blown, and most of the light bulbs were burnt out, leaving the house dim and shadowy. I didn’t want to tell Andie, but the place gave me the creeps, especially the upper floors, so I’d suggested we camp out in the parlor with our sleeping bags in front of the fireplace. Andie was cool with that, Andie was cool with everything.